Lip Service The Blog: Fixer Upper

Lip Service The Blog: Fixer Upper

I think most single women would like to know when is it worth a “fixer upper.”

Some men just need a little or a big push forward from the right woman for him to reach his full potential. The question is how can you tell when it’s worth it or when you’re wasting your time. The only way to be sure that you aren’t wasting your own time is by analyzing what this man is WILLING to do to move forward with the information that is provided to him. So basically, his actions. It’s unrealistic to think that anyone will change overnight. You may see some baby steps forward and that’s enough for you to stick it out with him but even babies eventually start running. There’s a couple of principles that I have decided to abide by when deciding if it’s worth me sticking it out with a “fixer upper.”

1) DO I BELIEVE IN HIM? – I think this question is very important because you can stop deliberating with yourself if the answer is “NO.” If you don’t believe he is capable of getting a good job, keeping a job, staying out of trouble, moving out of his mom’s house, becoming a rapper, athlete or celebrity, then don’t waste your time. Do you believe in his dream? Do you believe in his ability? Do you believe in his business?

2) WHAT DOES HE DO WITH THE INFORMATION HE RECEIVES? – When someone tells him to send in his resume, go to an open house or that there’s free business seminars at the library on Wednesdays, does he act on the information? Many men want you to hold their hand through every step. That is a turn off to me because I need to know that he really WANTS what he SAYS he wants and that he wants it with or without me.

3) WHAT OTHER FORCES AND INFLUENCES DOES HE HAVE AROUND HIM?! – Sometimes we can see the potential in a man and invest our time in trying to help/change him but the environment and people he is around are counterproductive. If people don’t remove themselves from a specific environment then the temptation will be too strong for him to fight off. It’s like playing tug of war with a crowd vs just one person.

4) AM I TIRED? – I think women often forget that they’re entitled to not want to wait it out. It’s okay to say “This is draining too much energy from me.” It’s okay to admit that you’re losing yourself or wasting time trying to fix someone else up. You can give up and not be a failure in some cases because there’s some times that there was no winning anyway.

5) HOW DOES HE SHOW GRATITUDE?- At the least does he say, “Thank You?” Does he make you feel like he’s doing you a favor by getting his life together?

6) HELP AS A FRIEND! – I rather not help fix a man up for ME. If I’m going to help a guy get his life together then I’m doing it as a friend, not a lover, so that if the monogamy ever gets breached I won’t regret anything I’ve done for him. Whomever I help, I want to help regardless of our relationship status. If he goes on to be a great guy for another woman with all the keys I gave him, so be it.