Woman or man, please have your own money! Financial abuse is real. Spoon feeding is real. Everyone has to know the saying, “Give someone fish and you feed them for a day but teach them how to fish and you feed them for a lifetime.” This is too real in people’s lives and relationships.

I’ve heard people say, “He or she takes care of me.” I don’t always see that as a privilege. My instant thought is, “To what degree?” Usually the person with the money possesses the power and control in a relationship. The person can dictate what you have, where you go, and the things that you’re able to do. Everything goes through the person with the money. Personally, as a grown woman, I don’t want to ask anyone I’m in a relationship with for permission or money to buy what I want or go where I want. This happens to women AND men.

There’s levels to who has more money though. A person can have more money than you but that doesn’t mean you’re broke. As long as you have enough money to leave them if you want to then you’re fine. You need enough money to survive on your own without his or her help. Will you have the same lifestyle, maybe not, but that’s a pride and ego problem. Men and women control differently. If a man has more money, he usually uses it as his “get out of jail free card” for every time he does something wrong. His money can be used passive aggressively. Men just believe you’re not going to leave him because of the money or he uses it to buy lavish “sorry” gifts. Women use their money to get someone to stay with her. She basically buys a partner. A woman will fully support a man just to be able to say she has “somebody.” She will go above and beyond so the man stays attached to her hip.

People put up with the loss of identity, freedom and independence all for the sake of sponsorship and lifestyle. You have to identify what type of “help” you are receiving from your partner. Is it genuine or is it a control tactic? Are you able to support yourself financially? Is your partner waiting to pull the rug from under your feet? If your partner kicked you out today, where would you go? Do you have to put up with anything that hurts your feelings because your options are limited ? Are you being financially abused ?

Make sure you are being productive and have your own money. Never give anyone the power to starve you. Be with someone out of genuineness not dependency. Show people that you don’t NEED to be with him or her but that you WANT to be. Always have options. Always have control over your own situation. Possess some power in your life. Make sure you have the ability to stand up for yourself. Save not only for a rainy day but for a hurricane.

Food for thought…