We’ve been playing this Tiger Woods voicemail all morning:
“Hey, it’s Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye.”

[audio:http://angelayee.mystagingwebsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/HEYitsTiger.mp3]

The woman is Jamiee Grubbs, a cocktail waitress from LA, who alleges she’s been seeing Tiger since April 2007, had 20 sexual encounters with him (but who’s counting) and she’ll be leaking some of the 300 or so text messages she has from him later this week with UsMagazine. The texts are juicy, with things like “I will wear you out…”

Although Tiger has remained tight-lipped and will not participate in any tournaments until 2010, he did admit that he has had some “transgressions” on his website:

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.

Now I admit, the voicemail is really corny and we made fun of Tiger all morning for it. But for some reason I feel bad for Tiger Woods. And guess what, so do a lot of people. He’s on track to be a billionaire, did anyone think it would be easy for him to be faithful? Imagine how many women are throwing it at him on a regular basis. Our listeners said the number one reason men cheat on their wives is because they’re not getting sex at home, and they have to jump through hoops to get some.

To help Tiger out a bit, we’ve come up with a list of where he went wrong:
1) You don’t call your side chick from your phone directly ever. Get a calling card at least.
2) Why don’t you have a lock on your phone?
3) No voicemails
4) No voicemails where you actually state your name
5) Why are you telling your mistress that your wife is going through your phone? It’s not her business
6) And no text messages! You see what happened to Kwame Kilpatrick

Man, I really hope he didn’t send pictures of his you-know-what!