“You can’t look in my phone but no, I’m not cheating.”
The phone is one of the primary tools that people use to see if their partner is cheating on them. A “SURE” sign that “something” is going on is when they are guarding/hiding the phone at all times (even sleep and shower time), turning the phone face down and having a lock code on it. Anything locked, I need to get into it. This is exactly how I act with my phone but it’s not because I have someone else. I know that’s hard to believe especially for the other person in the relationship. So fine, I’ll spill the beans about why you can’t look in my phone.
1) I’ve been stalking everyone I ever suspected you cheating with. She’s saved in my searches on everything and if I delete it to let you look at the phone then it’s going to take me longer to look at her pages in another hour.
2) My ex keeps FACETIMING and texting me randomly. I ignore it but no I didn’t block him because I like the satisfaction. I know you would be suspicious or insecure if you saw him trying to contact me.
3) I talk shit about you with my friends in my texts but I love you, I swear.
4) All the dick pictures that guys send me via DM are in my group chat. It’s for me and my girls to laugh at but you can’t see.
5) I took some nudes in the bathroom just because but I never sent them to you so of course you’ll accuse me of sending them to someone else.
6) My guy friends do say some slick inappropriate stuff in texts sometimes that I laugh off but I know you wouldn’t understand.
7) I have screenshots of things you would never understand. No I don’t want my ex back but this screenshot of his page with his new chick is solely for shit talking purposes with all my friends that know him too.
8) My friends randomly send me nudes of themselves and occasionally may mention that something is wrong with their vagina. That’s not for your eyes.
9) I got your friend’s numbers, addresses and license plates saved in my notes just in case I need to use them for stalking purposes in the future.
10) You can’t see the app that I have to call you from other numbers.
See, I told you I wasn’t cheating. :)
P.S. Don’t try to give me these same excuses.