Dating always looks so ideal in movies and TV. I always envision getting dolled up and a guy picking me up at 8pm to go somewhere candlelit and romantic. Too bad that’s not what has been offered often. Dating has turned into a fear these days. The horror stories are discouraging. Nightmares such as “going Dutch” when the bills comes, him being a bad tipper, his wife or girlfriend popping up or him pronouncing the “L” in salmon haunt me. Even though these things boil my blood, there’s still much to be appreciated that we were out and alone.

In my opinion, DATING has a purpose. Dating is a selection process that we do when we have intentions on finding a mate. All time spent together with someone is NOT a date. I think it’s important to understand when it’s NOT a date. I’ve been on what I THOUGHT was a first date because we were alone at a restaurant and the guy said to me, “This is NOT a date.” I asked what it was then. His response was “We are just eating.” From that moment on, everything was confusing to me. If dinner at a restaurant is not a date then WHAT is? It made me look deeper into other encounters and try to analyze them for what they are and what they are not.

Here are some scenarios that I consider are NOT a first date and to be careful of interpreting them as such.

Companion Pass- The “companion pass” situation is when a person just chooses “someone” for company. Some people just want company to an event or on a trip. They have no intentions on being with you long term. They just don’t want to be alone. It’s your choice whether or not you want to go but don’t assume it will bring you closer together or make the two of you an item.

The Movies – How can I get to know you better and experience you if we are not allowed to talk during the movie? I do not like or consider the movies as a date. I could have gone to see the movie alone since we couldn’t talk anyway. Unless you two want to be grown little kids and kiss and fondle during the movie. Nowadays that doesn’t even happen on my trips to the movies with a guy because they usually fall asleep and miss the majority of it.

Home visits- A first date should NOT be in someone’s house. I think it’s dangerous and risky. Also, I firmly believe that if you start off in the house, it will be hard to get dates outside. If you let someone convince you that their home is comfortable enough to entertain there, they won’t see why you have to go out and spend money to be entertained in other environments. I’ve had guys say “I have a really big bar in my house so you can just come over here.” The answer will always be, “NO!” Number one, that sounds like you’re trying to rape me. Number two, I’m thinking you’re cheap and classless.

Group gatherings- Barbecues, fight parties, or watching sports at a bar are not first date material. There’s just too much going on. It’s too loud and too much interaction with so many other people around. People who like sports, don’t want to get to know you while the game is on. Trust me, I’ve tried.

Sex – Whether you have sex in a hotel, the car or the house, that is NOT a first date. It’s just sex. Chances are if you have sex before a date, you might NEVER get a first date. Sometimes people don’t even realize they’ve never been on a date with that person until they’ve had sex 50 times already. Don’t put the cart before the horse if you are looking for a situation of substance long term.

What are some other scenarios that you think are NOT first date material ?