Have I ever told you that I hate dating guys with kids? I’ve had nothing but horrible experiences with it and hear so many horror stories about other people’s experiences ESPECIALLY when the woman doesn’t have children of her own. There’s a number of reasons why it’s not an ideal situation for me personally but many other women can relate.
A primary issue I have with men with children who are dating is that they haven’t created boundaries for his situation with the child’s mother. This can be for so many reasons. Many men are afraid of child support, feel powerless or are not being transparent or honest about where him and her stand in the current time. She shouldn’t be calling excessively for low priority information. A lot of mothers just want to interrupt and the fathers never put a stop to that. Sending mixed messages will always cause confusion. The mixed messages of having sex, spending the night, flirting, doing personal favors or acts for the mother and using her resources cause major problems if he is dating or in a relationship with another woman. When a man does these things it reinforces in the mother’s mind that their bond is beyond their child.
It’s very hard to tell when a man is absolutely done with his child’s mother. In my experience, if the child is under 10 years old, the possibility of the parents still having sex is very high. If the they live together, they are definitely having sex even if he denies it. Even if they really aren’t having sex then you must assume they are.
Top hints that he is having sex with his baby mama:
1) He lives with her.
2) He has an excuse why she can’t know about you.
3) He doesn’t want you to post him on the net.
4) He spends the night “with his kid” sometimes.
5) He gives her money for other non kid related things.
6) She is single.
7) She is alive.
If any of these apply to his situation then they are most likely having sex. Some ways to tell that they may not be having sex is if the mother is married, in another state or if the guy you’re with has a very small and wack penis. She may have left him alone for these reasons.
There are some boundaries for you in this situation as well. Stop trying to get in better with him by buying his child a bunch of stuff. That’s not for you to do. Here and there…fine but so many women do too much too fast and it gets you nowhere. You’re not the step mom if he hasn’t married you. Don’t do more than you will regret in the end. Don’t force yourself on his children or the children’s mother but beware that there may be a sketchy reason for the divide.
Lastly, beware of a man who allows you to be a bigger priority than his kids. Don’t have kids with him. You shouldn’t be a priority over his children but if he can’t create a fair balance then this may not be the situation for you. Especially if you have to always be separate when he has to be with his children.